bikes and things

As issued by the Attorney General.

Via @davidschneider

“What do you do for recreation? … Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.”

It’s good to see that this blog has become more bikes than things at the moment. I’ve been out every Sunday for at least the last 8 weeks now and starting to get fitter as a result. The last few weekends have been on the 40k trail around Surrey which has been great and feels like you’ve had a proper ride.

I still struggle with the idea of going out for a road ride at the weekend when the trails are there to be ridden on the mountainbike. As I have tomorrow off in lieu and am in Bath to see my mum I thought I’d try and break the habit and do some riding around the local area. I also had a ride planned to Wales for the Monday so technically I was still going mountain biking this weekend.

I plotted a route out of Mum’s house that I thought would be good and not too epic as well as trying to follow as many back roads as possible. I dragged myself out fuelled by coffee and a massive bowl of porridge. I also had it in the back of my mind that I would have to face Landsdown Hill to get out of Bath and out to the other side of my planned route. It started off well and I seemed to be keeping a reasonable pace. I did think better of leaving the overshoes at home though as the temperature dropped. It was great riding without a rucksack and just tucking all the necessary bits in the back of my jacket.

Neston, Atworth, Stonor School, Great Chalford and then ended up on a horrid B road heading towards Bradford-on-Avon. It didn’t look too bad when I planned it but wish I’d followed the club ride off it. It was then up to Hinton Charterhouse and along some nice small backroads through Limpley Stoke. I noticed the back wheel was slipping a bit on the climbs when out of the saddle a bit so had to sit down on most. I didn’t feel too bad on the climbs which was hopefully due to the last few weekends in the hills. Then it was over past Ralph Allen school and down into Widcome to get round the one way and over the bridge.

I was going round the corner to get over the river when suddenly I hit the deck. Both wheels went out from underneath me and I smashed the side of my head, shoulder, hip and tore a nice hole in my new tights in the knee area. I also trashed a few components on my bike. Fortunately the coach driver behind me was paying attention and stopped in time. I picked myself up and a nice couple came to see if I was ok. Pride damaged and unsure if the bike was working I got myself together. I had to bend the mech back to avoid it going in the spokes at the lowest gear but carried on. The main issue was getting out of the saddle for hills as my shoulder was in a bit of pain.

To my surprise I managed Landsdown Hill and up onto the horrid road at the top which I had forgotten all about. I then found a tea shop for hot chocolate and some water. Then I headed off round Hartham Park and onto some lovely back roads and through lots of pretty villages, all with their churches and small greens. Head further North I was riding along an open stretch when I passed a single tree. A massive bird of prey flew out and glided in front of me for a while before sweeping off to the left and landing in the field. It can’t have been more than a metre in front of me. Not the kind of experience you would ever have in London!

As I turned one of the corners I said good morning to a guy in an orange jacket and caught a look at his face. It turned out to be my friend Piers! How strange to come all this way and bump in to people in the middle of nowhere. We had a quick chat and then went on our way.

One of the things I was looking forward to was the two crossings over the M4. The first was up a muddy road which was more mountain biking than road riding but provided a nice spot for a break and a bite to eat.

There’s something quite peaceful about being above all those people rushing to get somewhere with just your bike and thoughts for company. Sometimes when I’m driving I wonder who is on those bridges and how you get there. Now I know.

After that it was head down to get back. The last 10k was pretty horrid but I managed to stop at a garage and fill myself with a Yorkie, Haribo and an energy drink to get me home in a reasonable state. The vital stats of the day include 87.6km riding, 1,250m climbing, 3:32:29 actual riding time and 2,462 calories. Surprisingly I really enjoyed the ride, not withstanding the off, but it did make me think about getting ready for LEJOG. Having to do more than that every day for 10 days is going to be hard, but then there will be longer during the day to do it.

So I got the final bill.

Gear Shifters – Shimano Sora – £159.99
Fizik Handlebar Tape £12.99
Rear Derailleur – Shimano Tiagra – £34.99
Outer Chainring £29.99
Endura Bib ¾ Tights – £75.99
Catlike Whisper Helmet -£99.99

Total cost including labour £478.94

Worth having insurance but being off the bike for two weeks is driving me up the wall.

There’s been so much coverage and so much bullshit being spouted about at the moment about cycling. Yet one article has stuck in the mind recently, over at the Huffington Post of all places. The summary of which is particularly poignant.

If cyclists are all to be judged on that one person who annoyed you this morning on your daily commute, then it seems only fair to do the same back.

Drivers are all speeding lunatics who change lanes without indicating, thrusting their un-taxed, uninsured motor around the road while talking on their mobile phones, blaring out the Radio One Breakfast Show at unbearable volumes and smoking out of the window. Oh, and you can’t pass a woman without leaning out and shouting ‘oi oiiii larvely! Fancy a shag?’ and beeping your horn incessantly.

Put like that, those cyclists don’t seem so bad, do they?

So, by all means, let’s have a debate about cyclists and why they keep dying. But let’s all make a gentleman’s agreement to stop using these tired, ridiculous old arguments, yeah?

See also the lazy journalist’s guide to cliches.

A rather amusing post found via Twitter earlier of a slightly overzealous young rozzer. This reminds me of the operation going on this week in London stopping cyclists and telling them to wear high vis and helmets.

Whilst indulging in a spot of the obligatory DIY today I discovered I needed a few more bits and bobs, blowtorch, flux, joints etc… I could not get the car out for a ‘quick’ 6 miles to the shop as the community skip lorry was doing its thing so I took the jolly old – new – racing bike for a spin. Flashing along and wanting to turn right over the bridge system I crossed the four lanes to take up position for the giratory road system. Pulled up at the lights and waited, not bothered by and not bothering anybody when up pulls a plod car, the window goes down on the drivers side and a head pops out.

Young Plod – “Nice bike you’ve got there”
Me – “Yes”
Young Plod – “Going out for a ride”
Me – “Yes”
Young Plod – “Where you going”
Me – “Over there”
Young Plod – “You know you’re in the wrong lane”
Me – “How’s that”
Young Plod – “You should be over there” – Points to the near side lane four over
Me – “Can’t turn right from there”
Young Plod – “It’s dangerous to ride your bike in this lane”
Me – “Be a lot more dangerous turning right from over there”
Young Plod – “Is it yours”
Me – “What”
Young Plod – “The bike”
Me – “Yes”
Young Plod – “You’re not wearing cycling clothing”
Me – “No” – wearing old combats, boots and sweatshirt, very dirty as had been crawling around under the floorboards.
Young Plod – “You’re not wearing a helmet either”
Me – “No”
Young Plod – “Just pull up over there for me”
Me – “Why”
Young plod – “I want a word with you”
Me – “What for”
Young Plod – “Don’t argue”
Me – “About what”

At this point young plod had had enough and tripped his blue lights…

Read on, it gets better.

This is a picture of a cycle lane and advanced stop zone in London. It’s also a picture of the blind spot a lorry driver faces. Spot any issues?

PS. Fuck you Boris.

Via Ormodyrod

The bit of Parkour you don’t usually see…

You should buy this book whilst you still can. There’s only 500 copies of this print run and I’m sure it’s going to sell out fast. It’s beautifully printed and edited and so many great characters to see inside. I really enjoyed an afternoon going through this the other day.

Don’t know what it’s all about? These two previous posts help explain.

“Let’s get a cat”, Emma said to me one day a few weeks back. Sure I said, why not. The landlord said yes and we went off down to Battersea Cats and Dogs home to have an interview and be checked out as a good home for a rescue cat.

Both Emma and I had family cats as children. My sister and I had two farm cats when I was 10 and she was 7, we named them Topsie and Tim after a series of children’s books we used to read. Mine was a bit stupid and kept getting in fights with cars, unfortunately he lost one of those fights in the end. Topsie lived on though to the ripe old age of 22 though! We had great fun as kids with them and it was lovely coming back home to see Mum and Topsie in later years.

So we both kind of knew what to expect when we visited Battersea. Due to us having a one bed flat without a garden we were limited to which ones we could re-home. We were told that it would likely be over ten years old with possible health issues like FIV or a heart murmur. That didn’t put us off really as it’d be nice to give an old thing a home to live out its retirement. So we passed all that ok, mainly due to Emma working from home. Unfortunately they didn’t have anything in stock that they could re-home with us at the time. We weren’t fussed on the model really.

We kept checking the website each day and ended up seeing one that could work but had already been reserved. We emailed the Brands Hatch centre and they said they had a 13 year old female called Sunny who hadn’t been added to the website yet, and would we like to see her. Of course we said and headed down last Saturday to meet her. Both of us were a little cautious in case it didn’t work out and we didn’t come back with her or there were any issues. Fortunately she had no health issues at all and although shy at first, was very affectionate. We filled out the forms and took her back home that day.

We were warned that it could take up to a week for her to come out from a safe spot, like under the bed, to say hello properly. So we left her alone in one room with food and water and put the heating on. We went in a few times to get her used to our voices and then left the door ajar in the evening. She did a few laps of the flat, sniffing everything possible in sight and then jumped up and joined us on the sofa, finally settling down on the top of the backrest for a nap. She’s been getting more and more confident since and is real pleasure to have around. She seems to hide away a bit during the day then spend more time out with us in the evening. We think this is just due to an old routine and will be out all the time when she’s settled in fully.

Apparently she was originally homed from Battersea in 2000 but it’s unclear why she came back. The chip details were out of date and her original owners couldn’t be traced. So we’re keeping her original name of Sunny, which seems somehow appropriate for a black cat. She’s very vocal and a real sweetie.

These two certainly gave me a chuckle this week.

The first one a text conversation with someone exploring some silly alternatives to Benedict Cumberbatch.

Via Lawrence and original tweet here.

And of course Twitter being Twitter meant that someone replied with this genius sketch about Engelbert Humperdink.